Holy Cow!

Mom.  There are so many things to say about my mother.  She was loving, courageous, fierce, loyal and most of all she was both fun and witty.  But sometimes, when the UTIs took hold, she went crazy.

There are several examples of this in the last year of her life, but I want to talk about the time she gave up her pants and got a cow picture.  Just to be clear and Mom would want me to make this distinction, she did not trade her pants for the picture!  However, from an outsider’s perspective, it could appear as though she did.

We were out at a steak house with our friends.  It was a lively party to be sure, but Mom overheard someone at the table admiring a painting on the wall of a cow.  Not a small picture, actually a rather large one.  She launched into discussions about obtaining the picture and then armed with what she perceived as marching orders, left the table to talk to the owner about acquiring the picture.

By the time she got back to the table, the men of the group had stepped outside to smoke, so they really were not part of the overall discussion and had no clue as to what was happening in the restaurant.

Unfortunately, the cow was not for sale.  But, while talking to the owner, one of the wait staff commented on Mom’s pants.  So naturally Mom decided to give them to her.

When Mom came back to the table, she casually told me that she didn’t really want to go home, wash the pants, and then bring them back.  Trying to catch up, I asked what was happening and, in the end, I suggested that she discreetly take her pants off in the car and I could hand them over.  Someone in the group surely had a blanket we could use, right?  By this time all the ladies at the table in on it and were laughing hysterically.  I’m pretty sure the whole restaurant was in on the capper too. 

So, when it was time to leave, Mom and I marched passed the men, heading straight for the car with everyone in the restaurant in tow.  The women in our group were busily on the hunt for a blanket to wrap Mom up in once her pants came off.  But the men, not knowing what was going on, thought Mom might need a bit of assistance because she was seemingly in trouble behind the car door (taking off her pants) while I looked for a blanket in the trunk.

When I looked up, there were people on the porch and in the windows of the restaurant all wide eyed with their mouths open waiting to see what this 89 year old woman was going to do next.

In the meantime, someone told me that the Owner had taken the picture off the wall and was heading out the door with it.  Before I knew what was happening, she was cramming the picture in the backseat of my car.  Let me tell you, that took some doing.  Once done, she reached in Mom’s open door and the woman gave the pants-less, blanket wrapped, woman I call Mom a great big hug and told her to come back soon.

Pants in hand, I walk back up to the staff and ask, so, who gets the pants?  The cutest young blond you ever saw looks at me with wide eyes and says, me.  As I handed them over, I said “bet you won’t be telling anyone else you like there pants.”  She turned all sorts of red.  And off we went.

A couple of days later, mom was diagnosed with a UTI, the only symptom, CRAZY.

You must have the backstory to understand the significance of this next part of my tale.

Of course, I hung the picture immediately.  It has been in one of the guest rooms at Mom’s house since it came home with us.  And that room is now referred to as “the cow bedroom”.

Mom’s guest room has had a stack of stuffed animals on the bed forever.  But since taking over the house, I’ve decided that the room is too small for guests, their suitcases and all the stuffed animals, so I have moved most of them to a container under the bed.  When I got to the stuffed cow, I decided it should go into the cow bedroom, right?  In moving her from one bedroom to the other, the cow lost her pants.  I didn’t notice until I got back into the guest room and saw her tiny pantaloons laying on the bed.  I hooted so loud the dogs came to see what was up. 

Mom’s with me still, making me laugh and I’m loving it!

Thanks for listening!!!